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All Of The People I Could Have Been

16 August, 2018

Perhaps this is the most Capricorn thing I've ever written, but I think a lot about having a profession that I've fallen in love with. Working somewhere that I have a hard time leaving, and doing meaningful work that takes me everywhere I want to be. I never want to look at a clock and count down the minutes until I can leave; I never want to not want to be somewhere.

This keeps me up at night, the idea that I could have been so many other different people, that maybe I still can. All of us could really just wake up one day and quit our jobs, cut our hair, and be someone else at anytime. I always foresee 50 year old me drinking coffee in my office at home for some reason . . .  with a lot of dogs.



  • I could have been a doctor. I would do surgery for twelve hours in those comfy blue scrubs. I'd use my hands to save lives and be so appreciative of everyday life. I'd learn that waking up every day is enough. I would wear my hair up high and be close with the rest of the medical staff. Live in air conditioning, sleep in the break room, eat cafeteria food. Doctor Me would live in a huge house close to coffee shops in Seattle and it would be like Grey's Anatomy but less people would die I hope. I'd take much needed vacations but never for long because I miss the florescent lights and smell of plastic gloves. I could have been a doctor and I could have been tired but proud.
  • I could have started a small business. It would be a boutique and I would design every garment. The kids from the local high school would walk in and hang out after school, running their hands along the clothes taking pictures of styles they would soon grow into. I'd tell them to buy something or leave, but never mean it and give them too much of a discount on items I know they've had their eye on. I'd come home to mannequins and half finished pieces in the living room, wake up early to drink coffee and dream every night of new pieces..
  • I could have been a vet. I'd pet dogs all day long for a living! Prescribe medication and give shots. Come home smelling like dogs and cats and then come home to dogs on my couch who was their tails in excitement to see me. Have a full staff of friends who I go with after work and our office is decorated with playful color schemes. I could have lived in paw prints and fur and found happiness in taking care of animals all day.
  • I could have started a band. Stayed up at all night writing songs. Start to perform them in front of the people that I love. I could have made albums and cover art and concert posters. Spend full days playing with my best friends and pull all-nighters to finish pieces. Work in a studio with producers and amazing instruments. We'd tour around the world and pack light but come home heavy. I'd never have a bucket list again because everything I could ever want to do has already been done. 


  • I could have been an architect. Oversee the construction of buildings and watch my very town change before my eyes. Spend long days at the office with white and blue paper taped all over the walls with ideas. Buy those special pens I see at the art supply store and never know how to use. I'd draw archways and door ways and plot points on graphs and calculate skyscrapers and actually make the buildings that people spend their lives in.
  • I could have been a professional soccer player. I'd spend my days in athletic shorts and shin guards. I'd love my team like family and travel around the world working towards endless goals. Spend every waking hour on protein shakes and treadmills. Run soccer drills in my sleep and score goals in my dreams. I would train 7 days out of the week and be exhausted every night but love every minute of it because it would have been my first love. Carry duffel bags with workout clothes and use my muscles in ways that most people only see in movies. Follow professionals on Instagram and then meet them on the weekends where we eat pizza in secret and wake up with the sun to play again, never really winning and never really losing. 
  • I could have been a writer. I could have an office at home with cork boards and white boards and endless drafts drafts drafts. I'd hunch over in a swivel chair trying to type as fast as the ideas come to my brain, and when that dreaded writer's block comes I'd go to the coffee shop down the street and people watch until I can write again. I'd take my laptop to the park, and sometimes just a pen and pencil to the beach. Try to capture the world around on paper as vibrant as I see it through my eyes, and get paid to imagine even better worlds. I would write until I'm a best seller, until I can take book tours, until my pieces warrant fan art. Writing wouldn't be all I do every single day, but it would make me want to live a life worth writing about, and I would do just that for other people. 



Clearly I have no real sense of what these people really do or how their actual professions work, but I can dream, can't I? I don't know why I'm not any of these people yet, why I'm choosing the life that I'm choosing. I think I'm trying to become all these people at once and you can see that take a toll on me. Whatever happens will work itself out somehow, that I know, but it's also good to be spontaneous sometimes and change up your life a bit. I'm working on that.

How often do you dream about being someone else? How often are you someone worth dreaming about? We can really change our whole lives at any time and that's what is really scary! Just maybe I'm not meant to be a doctor though . . .


XOXOXO


4 comments:

  1. Another I TOTALLY GET IT comment from me. I have days where I think that I could have put a lot of work into dancing instead of what I did now. Or something like that. There are so many I could haves but maybe we just need to accept where we are now. Or change it XD

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  2. I am SO grateful for your comments haha! It's too bad that we can't do it all.. πŸ€”

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  3. I DREAM of being someone else all the time: a mother with a family, a bookstore owner or a ballerina. There were so many extra-curricular activities I did as a child and if I had continued either of them I would be a completely different person today! Thanks for post, this was such a great idea that I might steal... :D

    - nicole x

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  4. It's nice to know you feel the same way, thank you! ♡

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