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On Wanting People

17 December, 2018

When I look at people I want to know what they're thinking. I want to know who they want to be and where they want to go and how they've changed. I think I can't ask them all these questions or get the answers I'm looking for, either inspiration or perfection.

Lately I've been trying to put people into boxes. Telling myself that I want to make them want me as much as I want them. Isn't that weird? To want people? You can't want another person because people come and they go and just because they come doesn't mean they belong to you because everyone is always their own . . . right?



I want to ask: "Okay. SO you're here because you have goals and want to reach them or something . .  . but what does that mean for you? Do you want pets? What do you look for in relationships? What kind of music do you like? Where do you go for quiet? Are you the kind of person who loses things? Do you like poetry? Bowling? Late night snacks?"

But none of these answers really matter do they? Just because you tuck in your t-shirts instead of tying them in a knot doesn't mean you are that type of person or that anyone who likes Stranger Things is going to like every other 80's themed-teenage-sci-fi show out there. None of these answers or questions or wishful glances is going to tell anything about what that person is like because the list is endless. Personalities are not box sized, they do not fit anywhere. You can't look for a type of person and wait for your people to come because you will never know your people until they are here. You won't know until they are yours and you are there's and you try to fit them in your pocket so you can add them to your list of people to write Christmas cards to and add a number on Instagram because you want to make another person a check on your box.

It's hard to let go of things that you never really had I guess. It's hard to not make everything mine or to try to make everything mine. Or find that balance maybe.



In December I'm thinking a lot about how I'm in between and it's so like me to wait for something that may or may not happen. To think that things will be better and I need to do this and that to get there. But something online told me not to wait and to not waste this time I have now. But how do I make the most of an in between stage when I know I cannot fully enjoy it until I'm at that ever moving place? Lots of important questions to ask.

Maybe the best method would be put yourself out there as often as possible in order to increase your chances of making a connection. Maybe you should carefully carefully choose who you let in so you have a higher chance of weeding out who will waste your time. Either way, who ever comes will be there when they be there and maybe there is no real way to speed up the process. Maybe life really does just give you what or who you can handle.


XOXOXO

2 comments:

  1. This was an interesting perspective! I love how curious you are and your heart to want to get to know people and not judge them by putting labels on them. What I've learned so far is that people are vastly complex, and they will always surprise you. I have gone through a season of losing friends recently but that only makes the true friends more apparent. I hope you have a glorious Christmas Eve! :) <3

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  2. Thank youu, I love your blog! I'm really rambling here but I think you're right that people will surprise you. I hope you had a good Christmas! ♡

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