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On Being Present

15 May, 2020

For a while I've had a feeling that I'm not quite myself. Or that I'm myself but not my best self or my most productive self or my most present self. And maybe it's been art block or just my situation that is keeping me from actualization (or something) but I want to try to be more of an active participant in my own life.

I want to be more aware and conscious of my feelings like I used to be and find a way to be that person again. There's just something about this time and this place that makes me feel like I'm just living on the surface. Like there are thoughts and opinions I am keeping and I can reach them more if I just knew where they were hiding. If I knew which hike I need to take or book I need to read or song I need to listen to in order to just clear my mind. I've been calling it presence- what I'm looking for is the ability to be present again in my own life.

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