Yesterday I had some free time which I chose to spend being moody, thinking about everything at one. I hastily wrote down my thoughts in the middle of a crowd, and these are a few excerpts.


Should I apologize for being moody? I could say I'm sorry for the confusion I caused, but to me it makes perfect sense. Some days are better than others, surely you know how this feels.

It's a combination of applications and deadlines that knock me over every single time. You can't blame me for the storm I caused and I can't blame you for getting caught in the middle.

I have a lot going on, I know I've mentioned this before. Everyday is an event and I'm an endless party planner. My horoscope tells me I'm controlling. My horoscope tells me things have to be my way or no way at all. I tell myself I want to be the one to blame when things go wrong. Every problem is my problem and no one else will know the right solution.

I say I don't want you in the way. You say you don't want me in my own way.


I pretend you are a better person than you actually are. You don't understand my moods and you don't laugh at my jokes. Sometimes all the planets align and I see the world in a colorful, beautiful way. Other times all the angles are wrong and every task is a burden. I don't want you in the way. Believe me, I see the irony in asking for help yet refusing once it's offered. I tell everyone to let me sort things out on my own. Believe me when I say I don't want to be alone.

Holding your hand is too complicated and eye contact can only be worse. I can talk and talk and talk but none of it is worth listening to. My words are not worth your time. Vague comments are my way of testing the water to see if you are ready for what I really have to say.

Everyone has so many views and opinions and I desperately want to share mine. My body disagrees with me and tells me I can't scream that loud, I need to stop and breathe. My mind always disagrees. Debate with me and I might pause long enough to hear your response.

 If I tell you how I really feel, will you listen? Will you understand? Will you tell me the universe will begin to bend in my favor? I want to pour my heart out to you, but I fear after I will have nothing left. I do not want to be an empty shell only your words can fill. I want to hold your hand but every fiber of my being tells me you will never calm my nerves.

My horoscope tells me I'm controlling. Nothing will ever be right unless I do it myself, I don't want you to get in the way. When I brush off your attempts to help me, it will never be perceived right. When I want your attention I will always run away and never admit how lonely I feel.

My horoscope tells me I am the hardest zodiac sign to love.

. . . is exactly what you think it is. A burst of inspiration I felt one day and wrote down in my notes.