I just wish something would pull me so I could follow it. I wish I had a burst of inspiration that lasted long enough so I could finish a project and follow a dream.
This of course, is just me asking myself to choose anything other than what I want to do. It's not rewarding, it's likely I won't make it . . . but it's what I want. It's stupid to want this and I'm scared it's just a phase. I am scared that I'll build up the courage to do what I want and it will all have just been a phase. The ideas will fade and I'll fall apart along the way, but it will be too late for me to go back and do anything else so I'll just be . . . stuck.
I've always been scared of doing things by myself, of making bad decisions and having no one to blame. That's why I've been taking small risks that I know don't really have a chance of failure. Things like playing guitar and buying weird clothes, signing up for opportunities where I know I can't lose. It's all so unimportant but it's the most important thing I've ever done.
I've watched Amélie and I know she pretends other things are more important so she doesn't have to follow her heart. I know life works itself out and I can't really go wrong with following my heart. I know these are empty promises, that none of it really means anything.
The truth is, I don't know what to do or where to go. I'm scared to leap, I'll convince myself there was never any joy in flying in the first place. I'm being melodramatic. It's time to stop thinking, and do.
So, my little Amélie, you don’t have bones of glass. You can take life’s knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton.

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Amélie (2001) |
XOXOXO
YOU HAVE PUT THE THINGS I HAVE BEEN FEELING FOR SO LONG INTO WORDS. I love you for doing that!! I have this same problem. So many hobbies and things I am passionate about and I am never sure if the thing I follow I will be happy doing for a LONG TIME. or if ill be able to make it doing that thing. I do think this is part of growing up though. Hang in there! (:
ReplyDeleteOMG STOP IT why are we the same person?! I wrote this really late at night because it's hard having a million interests. Everything will work out though I think, thanks you! ♡
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