poetry from this time last year

22 October, 2020


10/8/19
maybe we'll always want to pack our bags

10/12/19
grey city sky
sees me singing in my car
you don't love the rain, you love
the feeling of being trapped inside

are we obstructing your view?
is it easier to hide behind what you know?

I didn't think it could get any better until it did
we didn't think we could get any better until we did

10/19/19
I am so tired of this year.
I don't think there's anything
out there for me
and I am so afraid.
I'm tired of this place
finding new ways to break me.
It's been years
of plotting my escape.

feeling unwanted, unloved
like if you cared
then push would've come
to shove.

something inside of me
wants to be the light.
I didn't know it was there.
I wasn't ready for a fight.

10/21/19
wish that I could be consciously aware.
wish that the subconscious thoughts
would come up from the underground
and tell me what I needed to hear.

I'm tired of guessing

jokes on me, I thought I could pretend it was over
without actually making a change
ignoring the problem
hoping it wouldn't come back to me one day
but I pretend to know now
you can't pretend the problems away
you have to actually see them go

I am wasting
my time
watching the days pass
me by

10/27/19
I want to pour my heart out to you
but I fear after I will have nothing
left.


XOXOXO

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