a poem from each month of 2020

13 December, 2020

2020 in poetry.


january | 1/29/20

I feel like I am always code switching and
one day I just want to be me all of the time.
I don't watch the news anymore,
I have a hard time moving on.

february | 2/28/20

no one told me about
the blinding white of the rain,
deceitful all the same,
I should have known
I'd feel drenched someday.

march | 3/8/20

A heart is buried in my subconscious
and I'm trying to hear its beats.
trying to make a space for the words
that clearly want to come out but
there are parts of me that I'll never ever reach.

april | 4/12/20

it's been a long time since I felt something in me change.

may | 5/12/20

you don't have to be pretty in your own house
with no one else around. 
you don't have to keep your arms bent
to hold what's left of this town.

june | 6/6/20

I know jealousy like an old friend,
alienating me from my old friends,
keeping a safe distance between
me and everything.

july | 7/2720

I thought you could tell
the way things have changed 
from how I cut my hair.
I'm sorry I haven't really
been here.

august | 8/3/20

gotten used to the days 
dragging by,
nothing but the sun
marks the passage of time.
I couldn't tell you
even if I want to
how this is weighing
on my soul.

september | 9/12/20

I am addicted to the sight of a coastline.
I only know calm on a long drive.
I thought the world would change
and my only job was to stay awake
but now I think I spin too fast
to catch.

october | 10/11/20

I want to live on the grass
in between the overpass.
I want to sit up close to the cars
and feel my heart as it falls
and hold all of it in my palms.
just because I can feel it 
does not mean that it is real.
just because it is real
does not mean that I can feel it. 
november | 11/25/20

let me into your dreams,
I want to change a few things,
rearrange the way you think
of us.

december | 12/11/20

how can you not care?
about the fate of night and day? 
don't you know 
that the earth feels pain?


lesser known milestones

01 December, 2020

knowing how to dress and which shapes suit you

not having to tell everyone everything, keeping things just for yourself

having a routine that suits you and only you
knowing how to cook your favorite meal
finally being comfortable with being alone
not being afraid to answer phone calls
being able to put your feelings into words

being able to ask for help when you need it
wearing the clothes you want to wear
being able to admit when you're wrong/apologize
having people to talk to

making peace with your body
exercising for your own health, wanting to be healthy
knowing when to stop talking / knowing when to speak up

being unafraid to make conversation and get to know people
being unafraid to dance


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